Planning on dumping your dame (or dude) anytime soon?
Make every future Valentine’s Day extra special for your ex by giving them the breakup memory that never goes away! Here are a few high tech ways to send your significant other the message.
#1: PRINTABLE TOAST
Burn your breakup message into toast, giving them both a light snack and a cold kick to the ego. The guys at Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories came up with this CNC toast writer, which can come quite in handy when delivering a tasty relationship termination notification.
#2: IPHONE APP
Why waste time coming up with an excuse, when Apple’s already got one for you? For $0.99 you can put your iPhone to good use and come up with over 100 ways to deliver the bad news. You’ve probably spent a buck on a lot more useless apps anyway!
#3: STEALTH VOICE MAIL
Want to tell them how it is, but without the verbal backlash? Use www.slydial.com to call straight to their voicemail, then let the dumping ensue! Be sure to program their number into Google Voice so their calls back all get rejected. Alternately, use YouMail.com to program custom voicemail messages for them to reinforce the point.
#4: BREAKUP OUTSOURCING
Add insult to devastation while saving yourself time and effort, all via the Internet. These days you can outsource any task, including correspondance, and you’re guaranteed that a hired breakup henchman will stand his ground when your ex starts blubbering.
Soon to be Ex: “Hello?”
Outsourced Caller: “Hello, my name is Deepak, and I am calling on behalf of Jared to let you know that your relationship with him is now terminated. I give my heartfelt condolences, but Jared does not wish to ever see you again.”
Tip: Schedule a post-breakup call or two to deal with the inevitable appeals process if the breakup isn’t mutual.
#5 AUGMENTED REALITY
Be on the cutting edge of breakup technology by dumping him/her with an augmented reality greeting card. People like James Alliban (http://jamesalliban.wordpress.com/) have recently made waves by producing AR cards like the one seen here. Imagine the holographic breakup speech possibilities!
#6 RECORDABLE TEDDY BEAR
Remind them again and again that you’re through, in the cutest way possible. Who can resist a cuddly ol’ teddy bear? But imagine your now Ex’s surprise when they give your gift a squeeze only to find out it’s all over. Such an emotional changeup can ony be called sinister!
#7 SPECIAL NETWORK SLAM
It’s been done before, but you can do it better. First, link all your accounts: Facebook, Twitter, Friendster, Flickr, Google… shoot even LinkedIn, so they update all your statuses at once. Ping.fm is a service that will do this for you, for example,
Step 2: Let the whole world know it’s over. With any luck your ex will find out for themselves half a dozen times, and then hear about it from everyone know. Hope they deserved it!